Agnes reflects on leaving her family
After parting from Roman and my family, I spent some rather needed time alone to reflect and
gather my thoughts. It allowed me to take a more objective look at my feelings.
I missed everyone deeply. I kept in touch, writing them all letters. Lilia and Tomlin wrote me back
the most. They told me how hard Roman took my departure and the guilt of hurting my love
broke my heart.
The urge to go home was strong, but I resisted after hearing about Roman’s latest
accomplishment. The reminder of his violent acts was exactly what I needed to stay strong
enough to stay away.
Even though I had properly convinced myself I was doing the right thing, it didn’t feel right.
Nothing felt right without him.
Roman’s letter was the breaking point for me. I had not heard directly from him since I left as he
wanted to respect my decision for space. So when I finally received word from him my emotions
No longer could I stay away from my soulmate. He was begging me to come home and that was
all I wanted to do. I felt like a fool for leaving, for losing hope, for having any doubt in him.
I didn’t write him back because I was certain I’d see him soon. Then I would tell him everything
and never again would I close myself off from my other half.
I wish I would’ve wrote him.
I never got the chance to say I’m sorry.
My husband died missing me. His heart aching over our distance, his mind swimming with
worry. I should’ve been by his side, either helping him fight or dying together in the others arms.
It matters not the outcome, as long as we are together.
But I wasn’t there. I ran away, and now I am without half of my soul.
I thought the pain and trauma of my embrace would be the worst suffering I would ever have to
endure. I was wrong. Losing Roman broke me. Sorrow came to live in the hole losing him left in
There is no end to that sadness and pain. It will last all my unlife. It will fester in my soul for
eternity. I pondered if the final death could reunite my soul with his. Though I doubted anything
so lovely could ever happen to kindred in the afterlife.
Still, I had no desire to live. Not only had I lost my husband, but I lost my family as well.
Everyone was gone. I should be gone as well.
I took time to plan and prepare for my final death. I was scared but anything was better than the
agony I was going through. Obviously I didn’t go through with it, otherwise you wouldn’t be
The night before I planned to embrace my final death, my children returned home. When they
received no response to their letters, they began to worry. Their search brought them to me just
I was beyond elated to see them. To hold them. To know they were well. It was the biggest relief
and returned my will to live. I could not rip myself away from this world when I still had loved
ones in it.
We stayed together for a brief while, but my sorrow didn’t end. Though I had my children, I was
still missing my heart. I could not look at either of them without seeing Roman.
I saw him in Tomlin’s strong yet caring demeanor. In Lilia’s hope for the future. I saw him in their
drive and ambition and in the love we all shared. I saw him in everything, and it broke me over
As much as I love my children, I needed to be away from them. Otherwise I would never heal.
So, I left. I isolated myself because the pain was unbearable. I forced myself into a life of
solitude because of the emptiness inside my heart. That emptiness grew and grew, consuming
me. The sorrow seeped into my bones, making a home there. My guilt strangled me and there
was no escape from my torment. Eventually I settled into the mundanity my life had become.
I live in quiet misery. Still attempting to accomplish our goal of fair treatment and equality in my
own small ways. My hope of changing the world has long since disappeared but my desire for
information and secrets, and my love for stories has always remained.
So I plan to spend the rest of my unlife losing myself in my work. Maybe it will accomplish some